Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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