hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
