We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
