Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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