So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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