I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize