pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
