Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
