If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
