she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
