someone owes me an orgasm
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
worst night to have a conscience
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
