dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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