Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
