I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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