Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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