Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
