Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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