Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
