at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Randomize
