Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
