After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
