Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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