God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
