my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
