Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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