he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
