none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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