I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
