That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
