You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
