Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
