i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
No subtext here. People are naked.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need to wash the frat house off of me
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
