Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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