no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just found puke in my bra..
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
