FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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