after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
