Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
