Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
