a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize