and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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