I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
