Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
