she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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