Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
