i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
