he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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