I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
