apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
