Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Randomize
