Need sex. Gaining weight.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Im part way to drunk.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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