Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
