is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
