How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
