Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
