I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
