just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
well you can't waste a boner
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
