Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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