No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
