Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
then he tried to convert me to islam
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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