you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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