the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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