you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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