they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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