So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
