I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
