The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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