remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
