She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
